I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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