I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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