I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Bring me that man meat
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
