Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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