Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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