I'm sorry my penis didn't work
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
