Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
