i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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