He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
