Don't make out with my wife yet
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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