1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
