I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
this hospital has no fireball
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
