I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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