Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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