hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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