true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
