Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
