I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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