I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
