My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
