I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
