We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
