We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
