Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
