Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
