I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
