You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
