But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
