he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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