my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i dont even know how to be here
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
