He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
