i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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