as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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