I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
