The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
