I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
