while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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