hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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