Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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