Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
