Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
