I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
