I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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