we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
handjob tips. give me some.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
