At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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