what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
