Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
