i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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