I can't watch pbs sober anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
