There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
