Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
