I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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