I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
