Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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