Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
